Shoes!
by RedBandanna
Summary: Remember in episode 19 when Vash and Wolfwood have an argument in the back of some weirdo's truck about where they should go next and Wolfwood wants to go to Kansas and Vash wants to go to New Oregon,but for some reason Wolfwood caves in and they go to Ne


Disclaimer:I don't own Trigun.There.I admitted it.Now I will go cry salty tears into my Vash plushie.  
  
Remember in episode 19 when Vash and Wolfwood have an argument in the back of some weirdo's truck about where they should go next and Wolfwood wants to go to Kansas and Vash wants to go to New Oregon,but for some reason Wolfwood caves in and they go to New Oregon?Here's how I think it happened.  
  
Japanese words:  
  
Tongari:Needle Noggin.  
  
Nanda:What the-  
  
Kami-sama:Japanese word for God.  
  
  
  
THE REASON WHY VASH AND WOLFWOOD WENT TO NEW OREGON,INSTEAD OF KANSAS.  
  
"KANSAS!!"  
  
"NEW OREGON!!"  
  
Aboard the back of a rusty truck,on a faraway distant planet,the whole universe was being disturbed by a broomheaded blonde (our gallant hero),and a priest who looked as though he'd stepped off the set of Men In Black.  
  
"KANSAS!!"  
  
"NEW OREGON!!"  
  
Little did they know,apart from being a general nuisance,their driver,his ears bashed by the argument,was slowly turning homicidal.  
  
"KANSAS!!"  
  
"NEW OREGON!!"  
  
(Oh,dear Kami,when will it stop?)  
  
"KANSAS!!"  
  
"NEW OREGO-"  
  
(That's better)  
  
Vash suddenly stopped whining at the top of his lungs and stared in wonderment at the ground,or something on it.Confused,and knowing what Vash was staring at was almost certainly something stupid,Wolfwood followed his gaze to see....his shoes.  
  
"Oi,Tongari!"  
  
(Vash continues to stare)  
  
"TONGARI!!!"  
  
*In the front seat,the driver twitches,anime style*  
  
"NANDA?"yelped Vash,not quick enough to escape Wolfwood's hit to the back of his head.  
  
"Would you quit staring at my shoes?!"  
  
(A little light bulb goes up in Vash's (pointy) head).  
  
"Why don't you have shoe laces?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your shoes don't have any laces."Vash said,poking Wolfwood's shoe.  
  
"Neither do yours."  
  
"No,but mine have all these spiffy buckles!"replied Vash,sticking out his feet so Wolfwood could admire his shoes."That's why it takes me AGES to get dressed in the morning."  
  
Wolfwood stared.Had the most dangerous man on the planet just used the word "spiffy"?  
  
"You must be all uncomfortable in them,"Vash continued."Slipping around with no laces to hold your feet in place..."  
  
"Huh?"The priest watched as the aforementioned broomhead proceeded to carefully examine his shoes,before deciding to ignore him.  
  
"..Besides,I always thought only girls wore slip-ons."  
  
Scratch that.  
  
"TONGARI!!!!!!!"  
  
*A little vein appears on the drivers head.*  
  
Vash soon sported another bump on his head.  
  
"These are NOT girly shoes!!They are very manly with their smooth contours and suede exterior and bouncy rubber sole!!Besides,it's a matter of comfort.I don't like having my feet tied up all day long in crampy shoes."  
  
Vash considered this for a while.While Wolfwood's shoes were the manliest slip-ons he'd seen,there was still something distinctly weird about Wolf's justification.The man carried a freaking huge metal gun filled cross on his back all the time!What did he care about comfort??  
  
And then,ina rush of what I'm sure must have been sygar induced,it came to him.  
  
"You can't tie shoe laces,can you?"He deduced loudly.  
  
"NANDA?!!!?!"Wolfwood,our usually happy homicidal priest spluttered."Of course I can tie shoe laces!!"  
  
"If you can do it,then why have you turned red?"  
  
Wolfy's veins began to pulse rapidly.  
  
(Wow,look at them go,it's like a PMS-ing Meryl!!)  
  
"It's.........it's the HEAT!You spilt all the water,remember?!And I can so tie shoe laces!!It's just too much bother for an important guy like me!!You know!I have to punish all the sinners and stuff!"  
  
Vash stared.Wolfwood twitched.  
  
"YOU CAN'T TIE SHOE LACES!!!"  
  
Vash collapsed with laughter,kickinh his spiff-ily buckled shoes in hilarity.The veins in Wolfwood's head grew ever larger.  
  
"BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!"  
  
"T-TONGARI!!!"  
  
*Many,many veins stood out on the drivers fore head.His eyebrows became intorverted so far it looked as if he had a monobrow.*  
  
"Mighty Wolfy,the Priest of Justice CAN'T TIE SHOE LACES?!KYHAHAHAHAH-gurk!"  
  
Mighty Wolfy the Priest of Justice had Vash by the throat.  
  
"You ever,EVER tell anyone and you will be the deadest 131 year old on the planet!!!Even Kami himself won't recognise your mangled corpse!!"  
  
(Whoa,Wolfwood.What would the kids at the orphangae say?)  
  
*The drivers eyes became so strangled with blood shot veins he could barely see.*  
  
Wolfwood pushed a smiling,none the less very scared broomhead back into his seat and glared at his slip-on shoes.  
  
Another,brighter,light bulb went up in Vash's (still pointy) head.(What does he put in his hair?Wood glue??).Yes,it seems to be our little Stampede's day for ideas.  
  
"You know,Wolfy,my tongue might be less inclined to slip if we went to New Oregon-"  
  
"TONGARI!!!"  
  
**********************************  
  
Five minutes later,our valiant heroes are being chased down by a very,very pissed truck driver,still in his truck.  
  
"This is all your fault,Tongari!!"  
  
"My fault??How?!!?"  
  
"You are the legendary outlaw!!You're always getting me into troubvle!!"  
  
"That argument's getting a little old-"  
  
The truck driver pick up Wolfwood's Cross Punisher,which he had left in the front seat,and lobbed it at them.  
  
"YAH!!!"  
  
Soon,the trio passed a small sign reading "New Oregon,26 iles."  
  
"New Oregon it is then!!"Vash yelled.  
  
"What?WHY??!!"  
  
"It's closer!"  
  
THE END *bows* 


End file.
